Mason to erect statues of Charles Koch in place of all trees on campus BY DANA NICKEL, CHIEF EGG Shortly after returning from spring break, Mason students were outraged to notice the trees surrounding one entrance to the Johnson Center…
Classrooms able to accommodate up to 958 students BY BASMA HUMADI, LEO SUN LIBRA MOON It is no secret student housing is in high demand as the population of incoming Mason students continues to grow. Just last year, seniors at…
“It just wanted to have a beep-boop day” BY IZZ LAMAGDELEINE COPY GOD In a manner that showed how professional, incredible and amazing Mason students are, Tuesday, March 28, a student was found in a state of intoxication close to…
Aging billionaire seen searching for food scraps, small trinkets BY MR. SHEDD FROM JMU ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR Billionaire oil mogul and patron of Mason Charles Koch, 83, was reportedly seen Friday, March 29, in the air ducts of the Johnson…
BY JACK HARVEY STAFF WRITER On the morning of March 25, 2019, students entered classrooms across Mason to discover that all charging outlets had been removed from buildings, having been either plastered over or torn out over the weekend. The…
Sports editor quits after realizing no one else in the office knows what a sport is BY NATALIE HEAVREN, THE UCONN WOMEN ARE NOT BAD FOR BASKETBALL Faux Estate will begin the intergalactic search for a new Sports Editor after,…
Mason Athletics Invents New Sport, Will Play Themselves at the Division I Level BY ALEXANDER SHEDD, ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR Mason Athletics announced the creation of a new sport last week, Patriotball, and immediately played against their own team in a…
Gunston and the Patriot to duel in lightsaber battle to decide the mascot for the 2019-’20 season BY DOMENIC ALLEGRA, THE WASHINGTON CAPITALS ARE STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS As many people know, the Patriot has been our university’s mascot since 2007….
BY ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE The biggest concern in sports today is which fabric jerseys are made out of, obviously. The polyester basketball jerseys are soooo three years ago. Also two years ago. And last year and this year, as well….
Sports editors beat Mason basketball in a game of HORSE, sending Athletics into a frenzy BY DOMENIC ALLEGRA, THE WASHINGTON CAPITALS ARE STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS On Friday, March 29, the sports editors of Faux Estate challenged the Men’s and Women’s Basketball…