BY CHRIS KERNAN-SCHMIDT, ACTIONS AND REPERCUSSIONS ADVISOR
I have never found myself a fan of the traditional 12-point font, New Times Roman jazz. It has always felt too boring, and if I’m being honest, too easy to read. When peers, professors and especially employers read my work, I want them to be challenged, and I want to show them how stimulating my writing can be.
My advocacy for the usage of Wingdings goes beyond the aesthetic, and truly transcends into the realm of pragmatism. I think a shift from standard fonts to “neo-symbolic” fonts in both casual conversation and formal writing is critical to personal development, and contributes to one’s own demeanor.
Do I want to be seen as an uninteresting, typical student, or am I someone who wants to stand out and be able to stimulate my readers’ minds? I think most of us intellectuals can agree that the latter option is preferred.
Personally, I have chosen to start using Wingdings exclusively in potential romantic relationships. So far it has proven to be an effective method in weeding out candidates. Any woman who can’t read Wingdings is obviously not on par with my own intelligence.
I mean really, what is the difference between emojis and Wingdings? “Wine, winking-kiss face, saxophone, sunset” is no different from “[wingdings symbols here].”
You would think that there be no need for emojis when we have Wingdings. When using emojis, no one knows for sure if you are conveying that your eggplants need to be washed or, well, something else. With Wingdings, you can have your fancy symbols, but the meaning is perfectly clear.
Did I mention I gave up Times New Roman for Lent? Well, I did, and I believe that my professors are enjoying the extra challenge of reading Wingdings. So far, I have submitted two essays and written several emails all in Wingdings, yet none of them have been returned or answered. The last time they were challenged this hard was graduate school. I am positively sure they love it, I mean after all, what professor doesn’t love a challenging student?
You may be asking yourself, “Well, isn’t using Wingdings just like a simple substitution cipher with symbols?” Of course, it is, but like, more special you know? For all you cyber security majors out there, how do you expect the National Security Agency or Microsoft to hire you if you can’t solve a simple substitution cipher on the fly by reading Wingdings? Checkmate.
I implore you, next time you have a term paper due, perhaps even a master’s thesis or simply a text message to write think, “Does my audience enjoy intellectually stimulating content?” The answer is almost always “Yes” if you hang around the right people. Therefore, it’s only logical to use Wingdings.