Dear Ivy

Billy Ferguson/Fourth Estate

Ivy helps a student who has a crush on their floormate


Dear Ivy,

There is a person on my floor I have had a crush on for most of the year. Let’s call them C. After hanging as friends for a while, C finally asked me out. We dated for a month, but we both work two jobs and are full-time students and struggled to meet up. C had a conversation with me deciding that we should just stay friends, because school comes first and both of us are too busy.

I have had intense feelings for this person for so long and do not want them to leave my life, but it is so hard not to message C all the time because I know they need their space. How do I balance staying friends and giving them their space?

Love your column. Thanks for the help.

-Hopelessly in Love

Dear Hopelessly in Love,

I am sorry you’re in such a rough situation. It is great that you and C were mature enough to decide that it is better to just be friends. And I really respect your decision to put your schoolwork first. That said, attempting to not have feelings for someone that you have feelings for can feel impossible. Right now, I know it seems like you will always feel this way.

My advice to you would be to wait it out. For now, work on being just friends. Throw yourself into your other friendships, your studies and your work. It already sounds like you are doing a great job of this. When you feel like messaging C, text another friend, call your parents or do something else to take your mind off of them. Space is crucial at this point, and if you live on the same floor, you will continue to be friends, even if you are texting less than you would prefer. This will help you regulate your emotions towards C and get more level-headed about the situation.

Then, when the semester and finals are complete and summer rolls around, reassess your feelings. If you find that you do not feel the same way about this person after a month or so of creating space and focusing on other things, then the two of you can be friends and put it all behind you. If you do still have feelings, then it is time to have another conversation with C where you can tell them how you feel and see if they would be willing to give it another try after classes are over.

If they have feelings for you at the end of the semester, that is great. I’m sure you can work something out. It would be great to spend those first few months of a relationship without the distractions of school and class, and build a strong foundation that you can work from once school starts up again.  

And if they don’t have feelings for you, then unfortunately it might be time to move on. This process looks different for everyone. Whether it means rebounding, spending some time alone or just focusing on your other friendships, remember whatever it is that helps you get through, and remember to be compassionate with yourself.

Best of luck!