Billy Ferguson/ Fourth Estate
Ivy helps someone struggling with a break-up
Dear Ivy,
I just broke up with my boyfriend. He and I care for each other very much, but he did not have enough time or space in his life for me. He goes to school three hours away so I never really got the chance to speak with him, and he was never able to come visit me. Missing him sucks and I need a way to be able to deal with it. Any advice?
Thanks,
Sad
Dear Sad,
I am sorry to hear that, as I have been through almost the same thing. Sometimes, long-distance relationships don’t always work out, especially if there is no mutual effort made to continue building a life with each other. Some days may look better than others, but I can assure you one thing: you are not alone. Although it may sound cliché, things will always get better.
It can be hard. Sometimes, when venting to your girlfriends about how much you miss him, you will either get a “forget about him, he isn’t worth it” or “that sucks” type of response. Often, this is not helpful, so I would suggest that you find a journal or diary where you can write down all your feelings and thoughts. This will help you express what you are feeling in a positive way, as well as help you get suppressed emotions off of your chest.
I am not saying “don’t cry,” as you are a human being and we all need to let it all out at some point. Once that’s done, promise yourself you will overcome anything. Going through a break-up takes some time, because it’s not easy to forget someone you love.
However, you can take advantage of this precious “single” time to find yourself again. By this, I mean spend more time doing things you have a passion for and discover different hobbies. It helps you keep yourself busy, and gives you time to heal.
I always like to say that meeting people in places you feel at “home” brings positivity in your life. We all have different interests, so try thinking about going to the gym, doing sports, drawing, writing poetry or just something you are good at or like to do. Afterward, challenge yourself with something you fear doing or have always wanted to do, such as going zip-lining, riding roller coasters, getting tattoos, dying your hair, dirt bike riding, skydiving, dancing in public and more. It is the small things that will make you feel better.
Time is key, so try to avoid rebounds. They are not healthy for you or the other person. Healing will take time and effort. In my personal experience, after so many tears and sad nights, you will find that you can only find true happiness within yourself, not in anyone else.
Sad, I wish you nothing but the best. You are loved by your friends and family. Remember to spend time with the ones who show reciprocity through their words and actions.
