Photo Courtesy of Zara Saemi

Zara Saemi shares her triumph over suicide with resilience and advocacy.

BY ZARA SAEMI, STUDENT SENATOR

Editor’s Note: This article contains content about suicide. Students in need of assistance may reach out to GMU Counseling and Psychological Services for further resources.

My name is Zara Saemi. My mission is to share my story, spreading a message of strength to live life intentionally.

Night after night, morning after morning, I grappled with the relentless shadow that had made itself at home in my life. It haunted me and pilfered everything I had fought so fiercely to protect such as my peace and my very identity. I battled it with every fiber of my being, and I’ll confess, I lost many times.

The first time I lost my fight against the specter of suicide, I was just a fragile 14-year-old. My spirit shattered and felt that there was no more fight left within me. I tumbled to the cold, unforgiving ground, and in that moment, suicide emerged victorious. Like a prisoner, I was rendered incapable of facing anyone, forcing me into a desolate solitude and leaving me numb. I questioned whether anyone had ever experienced such agony. 

Fast forward several years to when I turned 21, the malevolent force returned. I reached out to my university psychologist about the seven-year torment. The path to healing was lonely and arduous. It led to a second attempt, through the tumultuous year of 2020, where I lost nine more times. But, remarkably, I am still here, growing stronger in the face of adversity.

Every day, I rebuild my life. I discovered that I did not want to die, but wanted to halt the excruciating pain that had threatened to crush me. I stand as a testament to the resilience that can emerge from despair. Suicide lost.

You might wonder how I am faring now. At times, the fear lingers, casting a shadow and threatening to engulf me once more. However, I remind myself that I am no longer the person I once was. I have a set of principles within myself. Especially in the darkest hours, I confront, articulate and share my struggles as my story may inspire and unlock hearts.

Should the shadow dare to return, I stand ready, armed with unwavering determination. I am still here, extending love and hope to those who may have lost their way. I share my story to instill courage and to let you know that you are not alone.

Today, I proudly serve as a senator in the Mason Student Government, dedicated to raising awareness about suicide and depression. I joined the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention as a volunteer which has helped me in advocating for the cause that used to be a burden.

I utilize my voice to spark positive change, to unmask that shadow, and to make it known that you, too, can assemble your own crew to battle it. With advocates along my side, it may be a long journey, but I won’t rest until tangible change is achieved.

While I wish there were more resources specifically for suicide awareness and life after attempts, here are the resources that I deeply care about: 

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has been a source of comfort for me as the organization advocates against suicide and transforms personal struggles into a desire to follow a purpose-driven life.

Another resource that has been a point of contact for both emotional support and emergencies is the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Reaching out to them has provided me with a sense of comfort, helping me navigate through moments of distress as their empathetic responses remind me that my pain is not an insurmountable force.

While in the company of others grappling with similar levels of pain and trauma, I have also found camaraderie by attending various group therapies, including dialectical behavior therapy, which has been instrumental in my journey toward regulating my emotions. These sessions taught me the art of sitting with discomfort and fostering mindfulness instead of seeking quick fixes. As a result, the experience has instilled hope within me while simultaneously illuminating perspectives beyond my own.

Gradually gaining control over my trauma has proven to be a transformative journey that has allowed me to be able to unearth more about myself. Through this process, I’ve been equipped with the resources and methods needed to reinvent myself, positioning me to now share these resources with others in need.

Therefore, I hope that by sharing my story, I can serve as a powerful reminder that even though it might feel like the end, we all hold a depth beyond our trauma, extending any past experiences.