Tips on how to end a relationship
BY MACKENZIE REAGAN, CO-EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Well, this is awkward. Everyone’s excited for Valentine’s Day, but you no longer feel the way you did when you first started dating your significant other. Maybe you found out they cheated, or maybe you found out they wear jorts when it’s above 50 degrees. Whatever the reason, you’ve decided it’s time to break up with them. But how do you do so while doing the least amount of damage?
Here are seven tips on how to dump someone in the nicest way possible:
1) Be prepared. Don’t read off an actual script (This isn’t “10 Things I Hate About You.”), but do have some idea of what you want to say.
2) Pick the right time and place. Good idea: afternoon at a neutral location. Bad idea: late at night on a drive in the middle of nowhere (Not that I’m bitter… but seriously, who does that?)
3) Be firm. You’ve already made up your mind about breaking up with your S.O. Don’t let them change your mind. Remember, they listen to Coldplay (unironically).
4) Tell them plainly and unequivocally how you feel. Be honest, but don’t be mean. (That’s what subtweets are for.)
5) Give them a chance to respond, but stick to your guns. Remember, they eat pizza with a fork and knife.
6) Delete them from all social media—Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Myspace and whatever the hell Peach is. I know, it’s tempting to hate-stalk them, but constantly refreshing your feed to see what they’re up to will only bring you down. And don’t, under any circumstances, stalk their new partner. I heard they voted for Harambe.
7) Learn to be at peace with your decision. You did the right thing. If you have second thoughts, just remember all those times they used the wrong form of your/you’re. You’re now free to date people who don’t listen to their music on the train without headphones.
After you’ve ended it, take time for self-care. Eat the proverbial quart of ice cream. Pour yourself into your workout routine. Get really into “Law & Order.” It takes time, but you will get over them. You will find someone else. And now you know more about what you do (and don’t) want in a partner. Ask your new squeeze questions to learn more about them before getting serious. For instance, do they like Belle and Sebastian? If so, they probably just watched “(500) Days of Summer” and thought Tom was the hero. In that case, go back to step one.